I spent the past two night and this morning crying so hard I gave myself a headache. My eyes are puffy and sad.
Here's what's been hurting lately:
When I think of the life we lost, the dream of becoming parents, and embarking on this amazing journey together. We used to leave each other little notes, "I love you, BM!" "I love you, BD!" J was always so worried about me exerting any kind of effort. The feeling of my body changing. The hope for the future. The absolute certain knowledge that God had been faithful and had fulfilled his promise.
Gone.
Maybe not forever, but for now.
And I see myself stuck in the mire of my grief, numb and joyless, while everyone around me is living, loving, experiencing, and for the love of all that's good and holy, ridiculously pregnant.
So. Super sad-face.
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